User blog:TheScottBird/Epic Rap Battles of Mario
Hey guys, TheScottBird here. I am starting a new series of rap battles where I take a certain collection of characters/people (ex. Mario, Sonic, creepypastas, etc.) and pit them against each other in a free-for-all/battle royale. Today's episode is "Mario." Mario vs Luigi Mario: It's-ah me, Mario - I'mma here to crush this foe I can battle-rap alone, I don't need you bro I can beat some Koopa toes, then I can win the whore Get a cake out of her, then hit that hoe But anyways, this Leprechaun can't even get his own game What? Two in a skanky mansion? Everybody knows my name! People only know you if there's a Player 2 My enemy's a ferocious dinosaur man, and yours is just a Boo! Luigi: Very funny, big brother, now let Luigi take the mic I don't need 1-Ups to get big, just ask Daisy, we were at it all night King Boo may be my foe, but he's nearly undefeatable I can just grab Bowser by the tail, and off he goes! Who you calling Leprechaun? You look like a troll! You're a fame-hog, who can't even follow the rules You ever read the conspiracies? You're a retarded Communist Plus, my removal in Mario 64 was a swing 'n a miss Wario: (Wah-haha!) Well, I'm sorry, but both your times are done I'm the badass, yellow plumber - I'm the real number one Mario, you're gum on the bottom of my shoe And like Mario said, Lugi, you're gum wad number two I don't need power-ups to become tough or huge I just blast gas out my ass and then I can smush you So before you come and try to take Wario's spotlight Battle me hand-to-hand, bro, but watch out for my bike! Waluigi: I don't need my own game to bring three chicks to shame I'm Waluigi - I'll never change, my priority will always stay the same Making fun of my name? Well, that is really lame Luigi's a joke, Wario's a greasy hog, and Mario's fat with fame The Great Purple Hope is here to smash some jokes And if any of you mess with my Daisy, you'll end up broke and choked So snap out of it and realize you can't win a match against me Luigi not being in 64 wasn't wrong, me not being in 64 DS was crazy! Toad: I'm a tiny, little squeaker when I step to the mic I'm Toad, the mushroom guy, my raps are like dynamite When I lay 'em, they blow like a fireworks show I had to face Wario inside of his woods, yo Talk to me, man, I'll give you back your cap Except for when it's getting beaten by my ass! Haha, well, my raps are gonna end with a little bit of zest Ever play Mario Kart? You'll know that I'm the best! Yoshi: (Hey, ya'll bitches!) I learned how to speak English, so now ya'll better say goodbye I've got my own series, man, where I'm the good guy And Mario, you pasta-eating fuck, quit punching on my head And Luigi, motherfucker, same goes to you, man When you learn to understand me, I'm no longer your trusty steed Just push "Yoshi" into your Minecraft seed And your world will be awesome, just like Super Mario World Man, I rocked that game - I was the main attention whore Bowser: Whore is right, motherfucker, better say goodnight King Koopa is here, here to give scary frights To children at night, take Luigi for example I'll just say "boo" to him and he'll be running like an anvil I got a whole Troop of minions to aid me The Koopas, the Goombas, even fucking chimpanzees! I ended this big and I'm ending it bigger Peach will be mine, the rest of you are gold diggers Sonic: This ain't ending without me I'mma sit back and diss each of you individually Mario, I'm faster than you at everything The Olympic games, getting chicks, I'm the mascot king Luigi, you're just a sorry-ass sidekick Why does Nintendo include you when you're scared of violence? Wario's a sack of potatoes in a yellow plumber's outfit Garlic breath so bad, when anyone says your name they have to mouth it Waluigi, bro, why are you even here? Your company just needed an extra character to play tennis, so they created this peer Toad's a tiny midget with a cap on his head, but he ain't fly I'll just kill him, grab some paper, and use him to get high Speaking of ripping off Luigi, how 'bout this green parrot? Apple-munching faggot, and I ain't being homophobic to this ferret His boyfriend Birdo is actually a purple dude in drag My girl's pink and actually a girl, I don't mean to brag And then we got Bowser, the junior version of Dr. Eggman Tails could just grab your tail and then you'll be defeated So this franchise sucks, I'm out of this battle, I'mma go to some other I'll just go play some Pac-Man, but watch out for me in the next Super Smash Brothers Who won? Who's next? You decide! Category:Blog posts